Guide

How to make new friends as an adult

Friendship as an adult rarely just happens. It comes from seeing the same people, in the same place, again and again. Here's what tends to work, depending on where you are in life.

What works for most people

Pick something that repeats. A book club every other Thursday does more than ten different one-off meetups. Repetition is what turns someone you know into a friend.
Give it time. A US study (Jeffrey Hall, University of Kansas, 2018) estimated that it takes around 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, around 90 hours to friend and more than 200 to close friend. That's a lot of evenings, and it's completely normal.
Do something together. Talking is easier when there's something to do: playing, walking, knitting, singing. Then nobody has to keep the conversation going.
Take the initiative one more time. Whoever suggests a coffee after the third meetup is often the one everyone else was waiting for.

After 40, 50 and 60

Many people have fewer close friends at 40 than at 25. Work, children and moving take the time, and old friends have their own lives. Nothing is wrong with you; it's how life goes for most people.

Start with what you already do or want to do: a running group, a choir, padel for beginners, a book club. Sweden's study associations, such as ABF, Studiefrämjandet, Medborgarskolan and Vuxenskolan, run evening circles and courses in almost every municipality. When the children have left home there is often more time, and it's a good moment to pick up something you let go.

When you've retired

When work ends, the everyday meetings go too: the coffee break, lunch, the small talk in the corridor. That's why it pays to build fixed times into the week.

The pensioners' associations PRO and SPF Seniorerna have local branches with meetups, trips and circles. Libraries often run language cafés, book clubs and talks. A walking group or birdwatching needs no experience to start. And teaching something you know, in a club or as a volunteer, is one of the easiest ways to meet people of all ages.

New in town

In the first weeks in a new town it's easy to wait for something to happen. Do the opposite: pick one or two things that happen every week and go three times before you decide whether it's for you.

Language cafés and game nights are used to new faces. Say that you're new; it opens more doors than you'd think. The municipality's and the library's calendars show what's on, and below you'll find groups and suggestions town by town.

As a student

The first term is the easiest moment, because everyone is new at the same time. Student nations, student unions and campus clubs have something every week, and it's fine to join later than the first week.

Study with someone from your course; it often becomes more than studying. And off campus, a running group, a choir or a team in town gives you friends who are still there when your studies end.

New friends in your town

Open groups and suggestions waiting for people, town by town. If there's nothing yet, the page says so honestly and you can start it yourself.

Nothing that fits?

Start a group →

Give it a name and add a few friends' emails, and it's live. You make the account on the way.

Questions

Is it strange to want new friends as an adult?

No. Many people would like more friends than they have, at every age. It rarely shows, because few people say it out loud.

How often do you need to meet to become friends?

What matters is that it repeats. Meeting every week or every other week for a few months is usually enough to recognise each other and start meeting outside the group too.

What if I'm shy?

Pick something where you do a thing together, so nobody has to keep the conversation going. Arrive a little early: it's easier to talk with one or two people than with a whole group.

Does it cost anything to join a group on Hunchful?

No. Joining a group and starting your own are free. Who has joined is never shown publicly.